The following email is adapted from a Bike4Chai email I sent to my email list earlier today, as I contemplate the 5th anniversary of Mer’s passing: The English date was 4/24, and the Hebrew date is this Saturday night.
Before I get to it though, I’d like to post our Thankfuls:
Mom
- For my wonderful family who takes such good care of me!
Estee
- to Hiro and Cristina for our new and improved Pablo and Wendy
Dovid
- thankful for a nice yom haaztmaut with friends
Chavi
- thankful for the end of school
Dina
- Thankful great half day off
Sheva
- For turning 8 on Monday
Scott
- Being able to connect with Gil and Hiro for dinner last night
And now, for my thoughts about The Unexpected Power of Random Acts of Kindness, and how it relates to Mer’s yahrezeit and my participation in Bike4Chai.
Dear Chai-Warriors,
This Saturday night is Mer’s 5th yahrezeit – the Hebrew anniversary of her passing. In 2019, for the first year after Mer’s passing, we followed Meredith’s directive that her life be celebrated, rather than her death be mourned. As Mer would have wanted, we had a big party in her memory in North Woodmere, with ice cream, popcorn, cotton candy, face painting, and, my favorite, purple balloons upon which people wrote what they were thankful for. The kids and I wrote our weekly Thankfuls1, and let the balloons soar skyward.
Then COVID hit, and the last three years having a party with a ton of people just wasn’t possible. This year, I started gearing up for what I hoped would be a big celebration again, but the weather has not cooperated, with rain on the forecast for Sunday. I was pretty bummed, but a friend (and former roommate of Mer’s) posted a NY Times article which put both the party, and ironically, my annual Bike4Chai ride into perspective.
The article is called, The Unexpected Power of Random Acts of Kindness. Not to spoil things, but it shares new research about how we underestimate the power of small gestures, and how what we think might be a small act of kindness scientifically has a bigger act on the recipient. For example, people giving a random person a cupcake underestimated the impact that receipt of this kindness would impact the others. Seven other studies were conducted; in each the giver thought his or her kindness would impact less than it actually did. This research has, among other things, spawned random act of kindness challenges, fostering a lot of good.
Through her struggle, Mer influenced literally thousands of people to perform random acts of kindness, and to be cognizant and thankful of not just the big things in their lives, but to stop an appreciate the small kindnesses and gifts.2 Much as I’d love a huge party celebrating Mer’s life and memory this Sunday, her spirit lives on in all the small ways she’s changes our lives, and in the random acts of kindness we’ve done, and we hopefully will continue to do in her memory. In lieu of this year’s party, please take a moment to honor her this weekend by sharing what you are thankful for with those you love, and by doing a random act of kindness in her memory. Hopefully we’ll be able to celebrate together next year!
As to how the article has impacted on how I consider Bike4Chai, it is no secret that I’ve at least pondered hanging up my cycling shoes. Last year was my 10th ride, and in the past decade, I’ve gotten older, slower, and charitably, not so slim. I was in no means an athlete in 2013, and in April 2023, I feared that I reached the limits of what the power of spandex cycling gear can keep contained, to say nothing of the aches and pains that great me as I get closer to 50. 3 At the same time, in the last decade Bike4Chai exploded in popularity; a ride that started out with under 200 riders has blossomed to 700, and I feared the impact of what I could accomplish, as a rider, as a fundraiser, as a Knight Rider, was diminishing with each year. I am by no means comparable to Wayne Gretzky, but he famously was quoted as saying that he knew it was time to retire when “[t]he year I retired I scored nine goals. Everybody said ‘You can play one more year’, and I remember saying ‘Nine goals, that used to be a good weekend. I think it’s time for me to retire.” I thought that ten years of Bike4Chai was a nice round number, and maybe it was time to retire, rather than be the guy who stays on for one season too many.
The article reminded me that even small acts of kindness can be underestimated, and that my continued participation might hopefully have a bigger impact on those for whom I ride, the campers of Camp Simcha and Camp Simcha Special, the memories of Sari and Mer, and maybe even the readers of my Friends ’n Fun Weekend emails who might enjoy a random chuckle or maybe even a shred of inspiration.4 And the Great One5 reminds me that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
In short, that means you’re stuck with me for at least another year. With Mer’s yahrezeit this week, it is a particularly auspicious time to donate towards Bike4Chai. Even a small donation will have a big impact! Please help me reach my goal of $10,001 towards this worthwhile cause.
Wishing everyone a great Shabbat, a wonderful weekend.
Scott
- In 2013, Mer started participating in Thankful Thursdays, where she would post what she was thankful that week, and asking readers to do the same. See her first blog post on it here. Mom, Estee, the kids and I continue to do so in Mer’s memory, as do several of Mer’s friends.
- Those researchers probably could have published their studies earlier had they possessed the forethought to have consulted with Mer!
- Who knew that things like standing up, or turning my head to the left, could hurt that much!
- If an email or post resonates with you, feel free to let me know via email, or comment on Mer’s blog or otherwise. That small act of kindness helps inspire my every pedal-stroke!
- Wayne Gretzky. Or as the other Great One, my wonderful wife Estee is known to say “
please pick up your socks”, err, I mean, “shouldn’t you be out riding now?”
IF YOU ARE NEW TO THESE UPDATES/EMAILS
For those of you just joining us with Update, let’s catch you up quickly in case you aren’t up to speed:
- I am riding in Bike4Chai this summer, a 2 day, 100+ mile bike ride through three states, to raise money for Camp Simcha (run by Chai Lifeline), a camp for kids with cancer and other serious illnesses. https://www.bike4chai.com/ScottFarrell. This is my eleventh Bike4Chai.
- I am a member of Team Knight Riders, named because
of our love of David Hasselhoffwe are the last group to finish Bike4Chai each year, often coming in after 10-11pm. For me, it’s because I’m slow. For some of my teammates, it’s because they ride and overcome serious medical challenges, including: cerebral palsy, hydrocephalus, and, for our captain, surviving four recurrences of deadly cancer and the amputation of his left leg without losing his zest for life and will to inspire others. - I ride to honor the memory of Sari Ort, a young lady near and dear to the Farrell (and Scharf) families. She was a Camp Simcha camper who passed away at the age of 12. Chai Lifeline’s Friends ’n Fun Weekends program was dedicated December 2013 in her memory. Friends ‘n Fun Weekends Dedicated in memory of Sari Ort a”h – Roads to Healing: Gala 2013. And now, I ride to honor my sister Meredith’s memory as well, a child-life therapist, and big supporter of Bike4Chai, who passed away after a double lung transplant and bone marrow transplant.
- You are receiving this email because you are someone who has supported me, has considered supporting me, or otherwise thinks that: (1) Sari rocks; (2) a camp designed especially for kids with cancer and serious illnesses is awesome; and/or (3) you applaud the fact that Chai Lifeline used the connector ’n in the phrase ‘Friends n Fun Weekends’ rather than the longer (and entirely tiresome) word ‘and’, ’n have since resolved to use it in everyday conversation ’n emails as often as you can.
- To keep my friends, family, donors, pre-donors, ’n people I am annoying with my emails up to speed, ’n in the spirit of the Friends ’n Fun Weekends, I send out Friends ’n Fun Weekend Updates to let people know how training is going, ’n hopefully to entertain a bit in the process. If you choose to donate in Sari’s memory, great, ’n if not, your words of encouragement, love and support are gratefully accepted as well!
friendsofmeredith 